i've met my match

and i never would have thought it would be him...

i think i will take my "random factoids" a step further. public posting. of course my private life will be left to be read somewhere else...for those i trust and have trusted for a long time.

as one of my first blogs in which everyone can now read...i would like to explain myself in a way i've never done before.

hello, i'm rea reyes. i was born october 20, 1992 in bataan, philippines (though where in bataan, i forgot). i'm what you call a fob, though i somehow lost my accent. my family is amazing, but i wouldn't call them normal.

around certain people i act certain ways. i got that from my dad. i'm generally unsociable and by first impression by most, i'm snobby. yes. that's right. if you're shocked, don't be. my personality limits my ability to interact with new people. most of the time i have no desire to meet new people.

if i'm generally quiet around you, i might have found you intimidating...personality wise. you have a wayy better personality than i do and that scares me (oh and another thing, i worry wayy too much so don't get annoyed). my mind instantly reacts to it by staying quiet because i care all too much about how you view me in your mind. in my mind, you see me as some kid trying too hard to be like you so instead of giving you that impression of me, i choose the snobby side of me.

if i'm generally happy-go-lucky around you, i might have either known you for a long time or i found that your personality isn't as intimidating (but doesn't mean not as great) as others.

if i'm shopping or am at a store and i need something, i will do wtvr i can to do it myself. personally, i don't really like talking to adult strangers AND i don't like to bother people. so i do it myself.

now even if you're not totally new to my life and i act in one of those ways mentioned, um don't take it personally. old habits die hard.

honestly, i'm scared of people getting to know the real me or even close to it. this is a huge step, putting myself out there. i don't like being fake, but i guess i come off as that way to some people. yea, honestly i'm not being fake. i'm adjusting myself to fit your personality because that's the only way i know how to act. sorry if i seemed fake. i wasn't trying to be, but i honestly DON'T know how to act around you.

i've said this before, but i'll say it again for new readers. my comfort zone differs between guys and girls. i'm WAY more comfortable around girls than i am with guys. most guys are intimidating to me. i have no idea how i should be when i'm around them because i feel like they're watching my every move and ONE mistake can throw off my chances with giving them a good impression. with some guys i'm quiet, with others i'm "flirty", sarcastic, or snobby. i don't know what side of me you guys want so i just choose one on the spot sometimes. also with most guys, conversation dies within five minutes. i'm not kidding. if you're a guy and you can hold a long conversation with me (alone with no one else in the conversation) without it being awkward, congrats you're the "exception" and i might have fallen in love with you. just kidding.

sounds lesbian-like, but i'm more myself around girls. i'm straight as heck (shoot, you should see how many infatuations i go through) aiight. lemme get that...straight. haha. see what i did there? yea anyway, the people i'm most myself/most fun around are julia, angela, jackie and natalie, beatrice and christine, cindy, and samantha. i guess it's because i've known them longer and have been friends with them longer (though angela's a weird case). you will totally see a difference in the way i'm acting if one of those people are around.

i DON'T know how to express my feelings and thoughts clearly. i've never known how. i tried adjusting to it by planning what i'm going to say but it never works. (ask bryant chow, he knows HAHAHA!) i've found that typing/ writing it out sends my messages clearer. if i act differently than what you imagined i would be when i texted you or gave you a message or wtvr...i'm sorry. i just never learned how to translate those feelings and thoughts through speech and emotion. i guess you can say i'm the love letter type.

i want nothing more in life than to love and be loved back. and because of that, i act certain ways. i test people's affections towards me. i'm sorry if you have ever noticed that i did. i'm not trying to be fake. i just want to know how you feel about me (indirectly...like everything else i do with my life).

if ever i spill out a part of my life to you, feel special while at the same time don't. my life is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more than what you see that i just can't take holding it in any longer sometimes so i tell you about it. if i could, i would tell the whole world my story. but i'm just dang too scared that there is that one person who will think, "geez, shut up, you complain too much." telling my life story, in my opinion, is like complaining and i hate annoying people.

so take me as i am. wtvr side i choose to show you. and please, accept my early apologies.