old habits die hard

so now that i have no more secrets to keep from my parents, i have no need to lock my door. but i feel so empty without doing it. sometimes i just do it and then i remember.

it's also awkward to be so...open. i've never felt this open in my entire life.

of course i cannot spill my whole heart to my mom, but i won't keep anything major from her. makes me wonder if i should tell her that bryant is also in publications but he's in the newspaper which is totally different. and that philip is a good friend of mine. and that my co-editor next year is a guy...

oh i remembered something from yesterday i forgot to say. i remember thinking about the things i wanted to do with my life...being a typical teenager for example. one who can just go anywhere they pleased, have fun, enjoy being young, no problems that tie them down...then i remembered about what nicole had said about life and how it's not interesting without our problems. so yea. like nicole, i too want to be thankful for everything i have right now.

"everything happens for a reason." angela ho used to say that alot but now i firmly believe it.

RF: i'm a freakin CHICKEN when it comes to scary movies/scary surprises that POP out in the dark. embarassingly enough, renz has seen this side of me. one christmas, i WOULD NOT peek out from my hands while we were watching "the grudge". when i did though, i would peek at the wrong moments like the GIRL DROPPING FROM STORIES HIGH AND LANDING IN AN UNCOMFORTABLE POSITION! that's not the embarassing part. i would scream when they screamed...ohhh but here's the best part: six year olds were watching the movie with both eyes to the tv and did not run away. they only screamed but didn't seem as paranoid as i was. how pitiful -__-. the reason why i get scared easily is that my memories are pretty vivid and thoughts wander very fast through my mind. if i think about something scary for a SPLIT second, that's all it takes for paranioa to rush in. so do not convince me to watch a scary movie with you or go on a scary ride or watch something scary. i will beat you up and my way out of it if i can. you CANNOT make me watch something like that.